Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
