I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
