i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
