I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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