I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
