From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
