so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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