Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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