I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize