dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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