I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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