remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
