What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
