it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
