just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize