My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
