i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
