Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
