no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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