Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize