she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
