we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
