Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
