Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
