Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
