Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
