sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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