he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
