I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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