did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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