i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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