Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
