you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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