i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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