why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize