I am in a vortex of obligation.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
