I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Im part way to drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
