you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize