i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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