There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
