You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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