i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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