remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have already put on my inside pants.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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