If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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