i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
