if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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