man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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