...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
