Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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