I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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