i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
