The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Mom said you looked used
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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