I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
