I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Be still, my beating vagina.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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