I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
