if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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