its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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