I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm at about main and main street
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
