hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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