I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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