I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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