If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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